Victim – Perpetrator

Abortion.  How I have come to hate this word. Some of you have noticed how some words when spoken sound like what they represent, say for instance vomit. Sorry, but you get my drift. In my book abortion is one of those. Such brutality, force and finality in this word. Innocent pre-born infants robbed of life.  And their mother’s robbed too, of their dignity, maternity and integrity as women, as mothers, even if they aren’t aware of it.

Please allow me to share a couple of true stories with you and then you decide for yourself if post abortive women are victims. I can shed a little light on the subject since I have, very unfortunately, walked down that dark road more than once in my past.

How are women the victimized as well exactly? First, by a government which condones child murder, little known to most people as a population control tool under the guise of “personal freedom” or “women’s rights”,  and for money.  Don’t take my word for it, all the statistics are out there for the looking. I’m not going to run off how many abortion procedures Planned Parenthood performs per annum compared to the rest of their services, and how much money that is, or how it all started and why. You research how it all started, the genocide and population control information. So, if the gov condones it that means it must be alright? Just like people believe the minimum recommended dosages of vitamins, or that if the Dr. says it, it must be so. But this juxtaposes something deep inside that whispers it’s against nature, and will always be unsettling, conflicted, nagging in our minds and hearts. There is an innate understanding that this is against nature.

Victimized too by a culture which exploits women for their beauty and sexual attractiveness, encouraging promiscuity, and which does not honor and elevate motherhood and all that go with it.  Changing diapers and warming bottles, not sexy, not as valuable?? A society, a world in fact, which repeating like a mantra over and over there are too many people. The truth is we are not replacing ourselves, and some countries badly need more people, Singapore for instance. India and China more girls, because they kill them! They don’t carry on the family name, they aren’t as productive, they require a dowry at marriage. In recent news China has decided to stop killing the girls as they are growing alarmingly short of female population.

Flip-flop the justification. To hold true power women need to compete with men in the marketplace to achieve and advance, a mantra of the women’s revolution, and having children would impede us. It seems that material wealth and success have more value than character, integrity and duty. There’s a word you don’t hear very often, the D word. Maybe they should talk to Sarah Palin! No I am not advocating you vote for her, unless you want to.   : )

And then men who seduce and manipulate to get sex and leave responsibility for the consequences up to the women. I’ve often wondered what that would look like in reverse.

Influenced too perhaps by some in the churches who are milk toast about the killing of innocents, for fear of losing their tax exempt status. Even priests,( yes I dare to say the P word and I love priests), priests/pastors who have advised people to have abortions. You can close your mouth now and yep, you heard me right. Read on.

Every woman who “commits” abortion is different with a different set of circumstances. I am not justifying, just pointing out facts. They are not a faceless, soul-less mass of lower class uneducated humanity on crack and welfare. Pro-abortion atheists like to sing that song a lot. They are sometimes very young, fourteen, or twenty-something. They are housewives, professional women, and the working poor. All from different value systems and educational backgrounds. Some  have a faith practice, others don’t.

All the women I know who chose abortion were in a terrible emotional state at the time. Panicked. Feeling powerless, unsupported, fearful, and confused with swinging hormones exacerbating everything. None of them were calm, cool and collected, although maybe a few are. I never met one. Even those women who look and act “together” may be shut down to their feelings entirely for many reasons, it’s called “numbing”, which could include deep dysfunction in the family of origin, sexual abuse or other trauma. They may have extremely low self-esteem and feel powerless to make any other decision. In all fairness, the men involved could have the same type of problems.

Ever feel cornered or trapped? The women have said to me they felt crazy, or they were coerced, or had no support at all. Some struggle with depression, with mental illness or are specially- abled with no advocate. Women who are living below the poverty line, divorced/single mothers are especially vulnerable. Have you ever had to eat whatever they gave you from a food bank, or tried to support three kids making $8.00 per hour? Struggling just to survive will stress anybody out, especially if one is pregnant. Too, some have been told that it was just a bunch of cells or a blob of tissue. They don’t think it’s wrong because they don’t get that it’s really a baby! They weren’t taught and they weren’t told.

A woman I know was fourteen when her mother forced her to have a late-term abortion. I would tell you more, but cannot without permission. Trust me. It was the most horrific thing I have ever heard. I felt as much for her loss as I did for my own children when I finally faced the truth. This particular woman was in her 40’s before she began to talk and to heal. She survived because of God’s grace, is a functioning member of society, a good mother and has no addictions. You may wonder why I say that … the no addictions part. Because, to realize you have participated in the murder of your own children is that painful. Until a recovering post abortive woman reaches a level of healing, they may use drugs, alcohol, antidepressants, sex, or numerous other distractions to not feel their pain. People of course do this for other reasons and if you have watched the popular-of-late TV show on hoarding, they get into some of the causes and grief and loss are big ones. It takes a lot of energy and denial to block the truth. It takes more I think to deal with it honestly.  Truth that is hard to hear can cut like a knife. Then after the initial cut, your innards pour out on the floor and you carefully and methodically hose them down and put them back in. That’s what the process can feel like. No wonder there is so much fighting about and running from and rationalizing the truth of abortion which is, flat-out child killing and no one in their right mind wants to be to be identified as a murderer, especially of one’s own children.

Another woman I met, educated and capable, was extremely unstable when she made the decision to abort her child. Her marriage was falling apart, her husband cold and distant and subjecting her to mental and emotional abuse. She was breaking down. She became pregnant by a man she knew and went to for solace and advice about her marriage, who took advantage of her vulnerability. Begging her husband for years to have a baby because she yearned for a child and he constantly refusing and putting it off, she was now pregnant with someone not her husband. He said he would support her no matter what and offered marriage but she wanted her marriage to be healed. Completely distraught she went to a priest so he would” ..tell me I must keep the baby.” she said When she spoke about having an abortion, the priest was silent. He did not tell her not to do it. He said nothing. Just looked at her. She took that as it was okay and she would be forgiven. So, she did it. After the procedure she told her husband all and he walked out. Hysterically, she recounted her experience, tears blinding her and sobs shaking her to the bone. My heart broke for the lost baby, the lost marriage, the betrayal by the priest, the usury ( coughing here) friend. She is recovering very slowly, but it has taken many years of hard work. It is a miracle she remained in the church and that she can still talk to priests at all, and I thank God for that grace. That has been a solace for her. She is intelligent enough to know that all priests are not the same, even though she was quite innocent and naive she would admit, about people, men, life and herself when all of this took place. There is so much guilt and shame. Although she attended Project Rachel, a National group for women who need abortion healing, I am not allowed to discuss this with her in public even in whispers away from people, or anything about my pro-life work or past abortions or anything that would connect her to such. I may talk to her on the phone about mine but never bring up hers or she becomes angry. She feels people are judging her and judge all women negatively who admit to this. Some probably do. Please pray for my intentions and you will pray for her.

How many millions of post abortive women since 1973 have stepped out to speak? Not many. Only a few brave souls of the 55 million women, many with Silent No More, who risk the stigma of being seen as a bad person. If they only could and help themselves emerge from the weight of this pain and help other women to not make the same decision. How many live in shame and hidden away, trying to pretend it never happened and to live a “normal” life? Everyone heals in different ways, but helping others is one of the best ways.

I have shared all these emotions of post abortion in my own life. It’s like we created our own purgatory in a way. Sooner, or later, each woman will have to deal with the gravity of their decision, or it will deal with them. Abortion is always a mortal sin and an evil. However, these women must not be seen as hard hearted Hannah’s, because most of them were scared to death and not in a stable state of mind at the time.  Even if they were, they still deserve mercy. These are people, just people, God’s children who make mistakes. Sometimes tragic ones. Some measure of compassion and understanding is due them. They are going to need it. We all will, before we pass from this world.

Most reading this post would identify themselves as pro-life, and come from good solid Christian middle class backgrounds, and yet you are able to empathize. But some people can’t relate at all to the reality of these precious people. Precious in His sight.

“For we all have sinned and come short of the glory of God”

“Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do!”

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